The Ugly Christmas Sweater

There is an ugly side to Christmas for many people. For those who lost loved ones, or experience depression, or have a lack of supportive loved ones, this may be a very difficult time of the year. It hangs and weighs on them like a heavy blanket, and they wear it everywhere they go.

This is my first Christmas without my brother, who loved Christmas very much. We would spend hours putting up decorations. The wave of grief I have and am feeling is quite profound. I have never truly understood or had adequate compassion for those who are/have gone through this until now. It is something in your wildest imagination you cannot comprehend. It is also different for everyone and with each grieving experience.

I have sat down so many times to write so many different posts this month, and I have been wanting to keep everything really positive (and I promise to get back to positive posts!) but I don’t think the writer’s block will go away until I get this off my chest.

People in healthcare deal with grieving and loss at much higher rates than anyone else. We get close to our patients and grieve when they pass on. For those reading who work or have worked in healthcare, I know you understand what I’m talking about. For those who are unfamiliar with the trials and tribulations of healthcare, this is a dark reality. To the individuals who have it in them to work hospice, where they are guaranteed to lose their favorite patient every. Single. Time. Hats off to you, because I could not do it.

Grief does not always mean losing a loved one. Grief can come from divorce, losing a job, or anything that you considered part of your identity. Perhaps you just graduated college and you don’t know who you are outside of being a student. Any one of these may cause the holiday blues.

Ways to cope:

Let yourself grieve! Allow the time for you to go through your feelings. Just as I have taken a short sabbatical from blog posting, you may need to slow down for a little while. In order to deal with your grief, you have to allow yourself to move through your emotions, not run from them. Not that there are moments that you may need to numb yourself if the pain is way to great, but hopefully that is not something that needs to occur. If you feel as though you need to numb the pain, be sure to seek medical help.

If someone is grieving around you… the best thing you can do is allow them to express when they need to, but don’t force it either. Support does not mean having to constantly cheer them up, but doing something silly to make them laugh when they are pulling out of a hard moment can be uplifting as well. Read the person and allow them what they need to do. In order for them to work through their grief to get to a point of being able to function and deal, they need to go through these moments.

You can grieve and have fun at the same time. This sounds counter-intuitive BUT sometimes the best thing you can do is laugh and have people around you that make you feel lighter. If you lost a loved one, you know they would want you to have a great life, not drowning in sadness. You can miss a loved one and find your fun again. If you do, it will help your mental health in the long run!

Please remember that although this is a magical time of the year, it does not mean that every single person is able to dwell on the good. Try to remember when you see someone moody in the grocery store, or sad in the clothing store. Maybe smile at them, wish them a merry Christmas/happy holidays, or give them a compliment (only if you mean it, nothing worse than an insincere compliment when you already feel like sh*t). Everyone has their trials. If we could support one another instead of continuing to tear them down, like society teaches us to do, our world would be a much better place.

Are you grieving something this Christmas? Have you ever experienced a Christmas in grief? Tell me about it! Let’s get a conversation going…

The 12 days of Blogmas…

There is a challenge going around for bloggers to answer a set of 12 questions. Although I was not directly asked, the ladies at http://www.Thevalueofamoment.com and http://www.Geraldinetalks.com both asked for more bloggers to join in the fun. So, here are my answers to the 12 questions of Blogmas!

  1. When are you starting up the Christmas music?

I love Christmas so much, I will sometimes have a moment in summer where I begin playing it, but generally around Thanksgiving time is when I begin. Yes, I already began listening in November!

2. Decorations are a requirement for Christmas, when do you plan on decorating?

I have already begun. I plan to go ALL out with decorations this year! The more the merrier!

3. What’s your favorite Christmas movie to watch?

This one is kind of hard. I have quite a few: White Christmas, the claymation version of Rudolph the Rednosed Raindeer. This year I think I have one in particular I want to watch, I’ll Be Home For Christmas (Jonathan Taylor Thomas and Jessica Biel), out of nostalgia of watching it with my brother.

4. Any traditions or activities you plan on doing this month?

Definitely decorating! I’m hoping to get a little baking in, but I will be mainly working a lot this month.

5. The holiday season is all about food, or in this case all the desserts.  So, what is your favorite holiday sweet?

I love Egg Nog, gingerbread cookies, pumpkin bread, and shortbread cookies. I’m usually the only one who likes Egg Nog so I buy myself a quart sized Egg Nog and drink it little at a time. If it is only me that is going to drink it, sometimes I will drink it straight from the carton.

6. So, would you rather give gifts, receive gifts, or both?

I like both as long as the gifts given to me do not have expectations tied to them. I rather not receive gifts than to receive ones with conditions. However, I love to give gifts to those closest to me. I do not generally do “Christmas gifts” as I tend to give gifts throughout the year. For me, Christmas is year-round!

  1. Do you have a favorite holiday smell? (Ex. Candles, food, etc.)

Food cooking or things baking in the oven is a wonderful smell. There is also this great scent that has many notes like cinnamon and spices that when I smell it I think of Christmas without fail. I do not know the entire combination to be able to share it on here, sadly.

8. Would you rather have a white Christmas or a Sunny Christmas?

I love white Christmases, but as I will be working I hope if we get snow it is a very small amount so the mountainous hill I live on will be easy driving still.

9. What is your favorite holiday song?

Tough one. I am such a music person I always have favorites depending on my mood. Top five, though, are: The Christmas Song by Nat King Cole, Trans-Siberian Orchestra’s First Snow, Happy Xmas (War is Over) by John Lennon and Yoko Ono, Michael Buble Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas and Amy Grant Sleigh Ride.

10. Would you rather have a real Christmas Tree or a fake one?

I like fake ones for a couple great reasons: No needles to clean up, no watering, no fire hazard, and you can keep it up longer! If I am feeling particularly keen to have the scent of a fresh tree, I can either walk outside or use a royal pine-scented tree car freshener. Yes, I said it! No shame in my game.

11. When wrapping present do they look picture perfect or look horrible?  (If they look picture perfect share your secrets at present wrapping.)

I take great care to make them picture perfect. This means I take extra time to wrap each gift. In order to get crisp lines, I crease against the edges. I always use double-sided sticky tape so that my tape is always invisible. I use fancy wired ribbons that I am able to twist and combine other ribbons. I secure them with that double-sided sticky tape and I make sure that every aspect of the gift wrapping is color coordinated and brings multi-textures. I also like to match the style of paper to the person so that it is a style they particularly like.

***EDIT***

Due to requests to see my wrapping, I have added it here. Please be aware I was wrapping these in a time crunch (wrapped all three in 5-10 minutes) with very little options for paper/ribbon/etc.

12. What do you plan to do on Christmas?

I plan on working! After work I plan on having a nice dinner with my Mama and watch TV. I will have every twinkle light on inside and outside of my place and I will shamelessly keep the decorations up as long as possible.

 

Photo credit: Jill Wellington of Michigan, USA.